How can I be a good wife?

This question frequently arises in many consultations. Its repetition indicates high ambition, sincerity in seeking, lofty goals, and a love for learning. Therefore, I have dedicated an article to this topic in the hope that it will be beneficial, especially in a time when virtue and everything that aids in righteousness are fiercely attacked. Role models within families have become marginalized, and the landscape is cluttered with distractions, trials, confusion, and ignorance disguised as knowledge.
• A Sacred Covenant

Marriage is a solemn covenant, witnessed by Allah the Almighty. Those who enter it bear the responsibility to fulfill it with loyalty, kindness, and a commitment to avoid injustice, regardless of whether they face blessings or trials. This understanding forms the foundation for the role of a righteous wife, capable of upholding the demands of this weighty covenant.

When one reflects on Islamic guidance regarding marriage, they can perceive the profound wisdom behind it.

Allah Almighty says:
“O mankind, fear your Lord, who created you from one soul and created from it its mate and dispersed from both of them many men and women. And fear Allah, through whom you ask one another, and the wombs. Indeed Allah is ever, over you, an Observer.” (4:1)

And He, the Glorious and Exalted, also says: “And marry the unmarried among you and the righteous among your male slaves and female slaves. If they should be poor, Allah will enrich them from His bounty, and Allah is All-Encompassing, All-Knowing.” (24:32)

In his commentary, Al-Sa’di, may Allah have mercy on him, explains:
“His saying (If they should be poor, Allah will enrich them from of His bounty) refers to spouses and those getting married. Do not let your worries about poverty prevent you from marrying, for fear of the costs associated with supporting a family. This verse encourages marriage and promises enrichment for those who marry despite their poverty. (And Allah is All-Encompassing) means He is abundant in goodness and great in generosity. (All-Knowing) means He knows who deserves His religious and worldly blessings, or both, and who does not, so He gives each what His wisdom dictates.”

Abu Hurairah reported that the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said: “If there comes to you one with whose character and religious commitment you are pleased, then marry (your daughter or female relative under your care) to him, for if you do not do that there will be Fitnah (temptation) in the land and widespread corruption.” (Reported by Tirmidhi and others).

The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) also said: “Young man, those of you who can support a wife should marry, for it keeps you from looking at strange women and preserves you from immorality; but those who cannot should devote themselves to fasting, for it is a means of suppressing sexual desire.” (Agreed upon).

He further said: “It is a duty upon Allah to help the one who seeks to marry to keep themselves chaste from what Allah has forbidden.” (Sahih al-Jami).

The Prophet (peace be upon him) encouraged marriage, saying: “Marry, for I shall outnumber the peoples by you. Do not be like the Christian monks.” (Sahih al-Jami).

These hadiths clearly convey the wisdom of marriage, emphasizing righteousness and piety to achieve stability, chastity, and righteous offspring. The benefits and blessings of marriage are well known in the lives of individuals and society.

Additionally, marriage helps mitigate the temptation of women for the pious believer. The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: “I have not left behind me a trial more injurious to men than women.” This highlights the assistance marriage provides in safeguarding chastity and preserving the boundaries set by Allah Almighty.

In our time, we have witnessed the consequences of delaying and complicating marriage for reasons that have no basis in divine guidance. This has pushed men and women into the quagmire of unnecessary mingling, opening the doors wide to temptations and Western influences. Meanwhile, the role of reformers and religious scholars has diminished, leading to a reality filled with trials as dark as the night.
This bleak reality, so far removed from the noble guidance of Islam, compels us to reemphasize the profound values and correct prevailing misconceptions regarding the roles of men and women in fostering reform within the community. Our aim is to achieve this by summarizing how to create a model of the righteous woman.
• What Should a Muslim Girl Do Before Marriage?
Marriage is a lifelong commitment and the foundation for future generations. In today’s world, the family unit is under attack, not only by corrupt Western laws that empower feminist movements and ideologies steeped in destructive Western thought but also by a much greater threat. This insidious war specifically targets the natural family structure with cunning, malice, and gradual tactics, aiming to dismantle and destroy it beyond repair. This makes responding to this aggressive assault a duty and a priority. An effective and impactful response begins with strengthening the defenses of the family in a manner befitting a Muslim nation. This involves restoring the roles of men and women with full awareness and vigilance, and preparing in a way that leaves no room for negligence or weakness.
We need to re-establish the correct understanding of the roles of both husband and wife, protect them from turbulences and misunderstandings, strengthen the bonds between them, and magnify the covenant between them. This way, we preserve a vital unit of the fabric of the Islamic society and the Muslim community, aiming for a balanced generation.
It is a mistake to think that the righteousness of women can be achieved simply by addressing them. There must be a comprehensive reform for both men and women, for the family, and for the relationship as a whole, as they are interconnected and influential upon each other. Attempting to place the entire responsibility of reform on women alone is a flawed diagnosis. Therefore, I continue to emphasize: women cannot be reformed without men, and without creating an appropriate awareness among men guided by the Quran and Sunnah and the heritage of the righteous predecessors, not by the deficient Western theories or corrupt feminist ideas. We succeed by instilling the meanings of monotheism and by adhering to the divine law of Allah as guidance and reference.
From here, we understand the importance of preparing the girl to be a righteous wife, and the beginning is by knowing what it means to be a righteous wife, her role in Islam, and her goals in life.
• The Righteous Wife
A righteous wife holds an esteemed and revered status! The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) described her as the best treasure in this world. In a hadith, the Prophet (peace be upon him) said, ” This world is temporary joys (provisions), and the best temporary joy of this world is a righteous wife.” (Narrated by Muslim).
He also said, ” Women may be married for four things: their wealth, their lineage, their beauty and their religious commitment. Choose the one who is religiously-committed, may your hands be rubbed with dust (i.e., may you prosper).” (Narrated by Bukhari and Muslim).
When Ziyad ibn Abih asked his companions, “Who lives the most blessed life?” They replied, “The Commander of the Faithful!” He said, “No, rather it is a Muslim man who has a Muslim wife, and they have just enough to live on. She is pleased with him, and he is pleased with her. They do not know us, and we do not know them.” Reflect on this blessing that warrants envy!
Therefore, a righteous wife is a source of peace, companionship, kindness, and sincere supplication! She is the maker of beauty, righteousness, piety, chastity, and necessary happiness. She is a fundamental pillar in the stability and well-being of the family. She is a force for reform and revival in the nation! When we talk about a righteous woman, we are discussing a promising project for the entire nation, not just creating a limited, short-term personal profile!
• What are the Qualities of a Righteous Woman?
We learn them from the Quran, the Sunnah, and the heritage of the righteous predecessors. Therefore, my first advice is to hold fast to these treasures, for therein await divine insights and guidance that will never lead you astray or cause you distress. Reflect on every verse about marriage, every hadith, every narration, and every exemplary life story. Contemplate them and evaluate yourself against them.
Allah Almighty says: “So righteous women are devoutly obedient, guarding in [the husband’s] absence what Allah would have them guard” (4:34). She is righteous in her faith, devout to her Lord, a worshiper, sincere, guarding herself and her honor in the presence and absence of her husband. She protects his wealth, their covenant, their home, and their children.
And Allah also says: “And do not marry polytheistic women until they believe. And a believing slave woman is better than a polytheist, even though she might please you” (2:221).
And as narrated by Abdullah ibn Amr (may Allah be pleased with him), the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said: “Do not marry women for their wealth, for their wealth may cause them to become arrogant (lead them to fall into sin).”
We can clearly see the description in this hadith today, as the higher rates of divorce are more prominent among working women compared to others. Their financial independence has created a sense of independence from the family, weakening the woman’s role within it, and causing a disruption in roles. This was previously explained in an earlier article about women, work, and divorce.
Allah the Almighty has made faith and religion the foremost requirement in a woman, before her beauty, looks, and wealth. This is one of the most important reasons for preserving homes in the light of Allah.
This does not mean dismissing the requirement of beauty or the acceptable level of physical attractiveness that allows a man to guard his chastity. Beauty is a virtue and a blessing. The Prophet (peace be upon him) said, “The best benefit a Muslim man can have after Islam is a beautiful woman who pleases him when he looks at her, obeys him when he commands her, and guards him in his absence regarding herself and his wealth.”
Therefore, the Prophet (peace be upon him) said, “for indeed that is more likely to make things better between the two of you (that they will be harmonious together).”
Jabir ibn Abdullah (may Allah be pleased with him) narrated that the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said, “When one of you asks a woman in marriage, if he is able to look at what will induce him to marry her, he should do so.”
Thus, the intended beauty here is the kind that helps a man guard himself against sin and restricts his gaze to his wife alone. This sense of beauty varies from one man to another.
This brings us to the importance of a woman taking care of her appearance, femininity, and outward appearance. This is a matter of understanding and insight. Beauty is relative, and one should not go to extremes to the point of altering Allah’s creation or deceiving a suitor. The focus should be on natural beauty and health, using permissible adornments like kohl and henna, which Allah has allowed.
This in itself is knowledge I advise women to learn, and to cultivate the practice of good marital conduct. I discussed the importance of this in the marital relationship in an article titled “Good Conduct and Kindness as an Act of Faith.”
When a woman’s heart is righteous, and it is accompanied by a natural acceptance of her appearance, it achieves psychological stability in marriage.
Aisha (may Allah be pleased with her) was asked: “Which women are the best?” She replied: “The one who does not know the faults of speech, nor is she guided by the cunning of men, her heart is only occupied with adornment for her husband, and she maintains modesty for her family.”
A righteous woman preserves her character, manners, and modesty, as these are her most valuable assets in a marital relationship. Al-Asma’i said: A sheikh from Banu Al-Anbar informed us, saying: “Women are of three types: A gentle, soft, chaste, and devout Muslim woman who supports her family in living and does not burden them; another is a mere vessel for children; and another is a shackle and lice that Allah places around the neck of whomever He wills and removes from whomever He wills.”
Some have said: “The best woman is the one who, when given, is grateful; when denied, is patient; she pleases you when you look at her, and obeys you when you command her.”
A woman’s gentleness encourages her obedience and compliance with her husband. A stubborn, arrogant, and contrary woman cannot create a peaceful home, and her husband will be repelled by her. By nature, a man is expected to be the leader and protector, under whose wing the woman finds peace. With a sense of superiority over the man, how can the desired love and mercy be achieved? Only a woman who maintains her natural disposition, femininity, morals, manners, and obedience to her husband brings happiness and harmony to her husband. His masculine traits are completed with her, and she is completed with him. If there is an imbalance, it either disrupts the home’s stability and tranquility, or the man loses some of his traits and personality. In either case, there is a loss.
Abu Huraira told that when Allah’s Messenger was asked which woman was best he replied, “The one who pleases [her husband] when he looks at her, obeys him when he gives a command, and does not go against his wishes regarding her person or property by doing anything of which he disapproves.”
Ibn Abbas told how, when this verse was revealed, “And those who hoard gold and silver…” [9:34] Umar went to the Prophet, peace be upon him, and said, “O Messenger of Allah, this verse has placed a heavy burden on your companions”, The Prophet, peace be upon him, replied, “Let me inform you about the best a man hoards; it is a virtuous woman who pleases him when he looks at her, obeys him when he gives her a command, and guards his interests when he is away from her.”
The book “Mara’at Al-Mafatih Sharh Mishkat Al-Masabih” states: “A righteous woman,” meaning one who is beautiful both outwardly and inwardly. Al-Tibi said: The woman is the subject, and the conditional sentence is its predicate. It is also possible that the conditional sentence is an explanation of a deleted predicate. The conditional sentence explains: “If he looks at her,” meaning the man, “she pleases him,” meaning she brings him joy with her physical beauty, good conduct, and the preservation of religion through her. “And if he commands her” with a lawful or customary command, “she obeys him” and serves him. “She preserves him,” meaning his rights in herself, his wealth, his children, and his home. Al-Qadi said: When the Prophet (peace be upon him) explained to them that there is no harm in accumulating and hoarding wealth as long as they pay zakat, and saw their delight in it, he guided them to something better and more lasting, which is the righteous and beautiful woman. For gold only benefits you after it leaves you, while she, as long as she is with you, is your companion: you look at her and she pleases you, she fulfills your needs when you need her, you consult her on matters that concern you and she keeps your secrets, you seek her help for your needs and she obeys your commands. If you are absent, she protects your wealth and looks after your children. Even if her only virtue is that she preserves your offspring and raises your children, this alone would bring you a child who will be your helper in your life and your successor after your death, which is indeed a great virtue.”
When we talk about the obedience of a wife, a Muslim woman should not be sensitive about it because this obedience is in what Allah has permitted, not in sin. It is obedience to purchase peace of mind and household happiness, to give the man his rightful place and leadership that Allah has made a cornerstone in building the family. A woman, by her psychological and natural makeup, finds herself, blossoms, and her spirit shines under the protection of a man who preserves her, guides her to good, and looks after her religious and worldly interests. He protects her like a precious gem, being jealous over her, which signifies nobility, love, and affection that can be bought but not sold, and brings contentment rather than competition and resentment. Allah Almighty said: “And do not wish for that by which Allah has made some of you exceed others. For men is a share of what they have earned, and for women is a share of what they have earned. And ask Allah of His bounty. Indeed, Allah is ever, of all things, Knowing” (4:32).
Anyone who goes against her nature lives in misery. She neither finds happiness and tranquility in her femininity nor wins her husband’s heart and feels secure. She lives in struggle and torment, even if she stubbornly refuses to admit it.
A righteous woman is also one who shares her husband’s emotions. We can take lessons from the stories of the pious predecessors. For example, when Abdullah bin Rawahah cried, his wife cried as well. He asked her, “Why are you crying?” She replied, “I cried because I saw you crying!” He said, “I know that I will pass through Hell, but I do not know if I will be saved from it or not.”
Her loyalty was a response to her sincere love for her husband. Here is Umm al-Darda’ (may Allah be pleased with her) who said to her husband, Abu al-Darda’: “You proposed to my parents in this world and they married me to you. Now, I am proposing to you for the afterlife!” He said: “Do not marry after me!” So when Muawiyah proposed to her, she refused.
This does not mean that it is forbidden for a woman to remarry after her husband’s death. Rather, it highlights that loyalty is a virtue, a noble and significant quality in the marital relationship and in all aspects of life.
A righteous woman is naturally affectionate, and endearment is both a quality and an art. It involves her ability to win her husband’s heart through what he loves.
The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: “Shall I tell you about your women in Paradise? They are loving, fertile, and return to their husbands. When they are harmed or cause harm, they come and take their husband’s hand, and say, ‘By Allah, I will not taste sleep until you are pleased.'”
A righteous woman is a mother and a teacher. She carries a love for children and the responsibility of raising them in an exceptional and noble manner. Therefore, she learns the art of parenting with passion and responsibility. She raises her children on monotheism, the Sunnah, and the love of Allah and His Messenger (peace be upon him) and good deeds. She nurtures her young ones to love the Quran, to be attached to it, and to act upon it, encouraging them to compete in acts of righteousness and piety. She does not attach them to the worldly life nor make their greatest concern money, status, fame, or degrees, but rather piety and leadership in knowledge and religion. She understands the mission she is undertaking: raising a generation of proud Muslims who are elevated by their faith and capable of carrying the trust of Allah’s religion in times of estrangement, no matter the cost!
There are still many beautiful and beneficial lessons you can draw from the Quran, the Sunnah, and the legacy of the pious predecessors. Do not deprive yourself of these, for they are crucial means for your elevation, motivation, and excellent leadership of your life, no matter how harsh the circumstances or severe the tests. They deserve all your focus, dedication, and effort! Consider all this as preparation for perfecting your mission and seeking what is with Allah, for this embodies a sense of sincerity.
If I were to summarize the qualities of a righteous woman succinctly, I would find no better example than the golden advice given by a Bedouin woman to her daughter on her wedding night, which is well-known in the books of history and literature.
• The Golden Advice
A mother gave her daughter the following advice on her wedding night as she bid her farewell:
“My dear daughter, you have left your home, the place from which you came, and your nest where you grew up, to a nest you are not familiar with and a companion you do not know. Be like a servant to him, and he will be like a servant to you. Preserve for him ten qualities, and he will be a treasure for you.
The first and the second qualities are: companionship with contentment and living with good listening and obedience.
As for the third and fourth: ensure that his eyes see only what is pleasing and his nose smells only the most delightful scents. The best adornment is kohl, and the finest fragrance is clean water and soap.
Regarding the fifth and sixth: be attentive to his mealtime and maintain quiet during his sleep. The heat of hunger is burning, and disturbing sleep is distressing.
And for the seventh and eighth: take care of his home and his wealth, and look after his well-being and his family.
As for the ninth and tenth: do not disobey his commands and do not reveal his secrets. If you disobey him, you will provoke his anger, and if you reveal his secrets, you cannot be sure of his loyalty. After that, avoid being happy when he is sad and being sad when he is happy. The former shows neglect, and the latter causes distress. The more you respect him, the more he will honor you. You will achieve this by prioritizing his happiness over yours and his desires over your desires, whether you like it or not. May Allah bring you good, and I entrust you to Allah’s care.”
This insightful advice gathers all the keys to a husband’s heart. The successful woman is the one who follows it with love for goodness, seeking reward, wisdom, and understanding. Whoever humbles herself before Allah, Allah will elevate her! And whoever withholds, only withholds from herself.
There is a stark difference between the sincere counsel of believers and the deceitful counsel of hypocrites!
• Guide to Becoming a Righteous Wife
Here is a brief and focused summary of your guide on how to become a righteous wife, attaining the esteemed qualities mentioned in the Quran and Sunnah, as well as those exemplified by the pious predecessors:

Acquire sufficient Islamic knowledge to worship Allah with enlightenment. Learn about monotheism and the Sunnah, and hold firmly to them. Understand your acts of worship and everything related to the path of the believers. This way, even if you marry a man with weak piety, you can be his support and guide. If you marry a man who practices innovation, your knowledge of the Sunnah will help him stay on the right path. This knowledge will instill in you the fear of Allah, piety, and righteousness, as Allah loves and is pleased with. It will enable you to reject unlawful wealth and help your husband remain steadfast and open doors to what is lawful. You will remind him of Allah, bring glad tidings, and be a noble and dignified servant of Allah.

Beneficial and useful reading, especially about the biographies of exemplary women among the Salaf, including the Mothers of the Believers, the female Companions, the Followers, and all righteous women. Emulate their guidance, for they are the best women of the Ummah from the first three generations. This will enrich you more than the numerous recommendations, directions, and quotes that spread on social media without scrutiny, criticism, or a scientific methodology.

Take care of your character, manners, and appearance, as the beauty of the soul and body are interconnected. This means identifying and cultivating the qualities you lack, such as patience and forbearance. The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: “Verily, knowledge only comes by learning and forbearance only comes by cultivating forbearance. Whoever aims for good will receive goodness and whoever seeks to evade evil will be protected from it.” Attend to your beauty and femininity with contentment in what Allah has given you, avoiding extravagance. Learn what benefits you without harm, and what pleases Allah without incurring His wrath. This also includes guarding your tongue from falsehood, lying, backbiting, gossip, idle talk, and all that the Shariah condemns in speech and action. Adhere to all commands, foremost among them your proper hijab and piety. In summary: Protect your heart to keep it sound! Protect your deeds to ensure their acceptance!

Learn the arts of managing a household. Unfortunately, this is one of the most neglected areas in our time, to the extent that the role of a housewife is often underestimated. This responsibility deserves a specialized institute if we were truly accountable. The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: “Each of you is a shepherd and each of you is responsible for his flock. The leader is a shepherd and responsible for his flock, the man is a shepherd of his household and responsible for his flock, the woman is a shepherd of her husband’s house and children and is responsible for her flock, the servant is a shepherd of his master’s wealth and is responsible for it” (Agreed upon).
How can a woman be a guardian of her home without the necessary knowledge for this guardianship? This includes good management of household finances through thriftiness and proper planning, effective management of the home’s decoration, cleanliness, and organization, arranging its spaces and library, creating an environment that is beneficial and inspiring for the household, and maintaining tranquility and an atmosphere conducive to faith and worship. It also involves organizing daily life and living conditions, providing wholesome meals without extravagance, bringing happiness and kindness to the husband and children, and having the ability to turn the house into a paradise through knowledge and action, honesty and excellence, and a loving, cheerful spirit that reminds of Allah. Such contributions cannot come without Islam, faith, and excellence, without competing in good deeds and seeking reward, without patience, learning, and self-discipline in giving and altruism, making oneself a beacon, a refuge, and a good role model. This includes learning cooking, beauty care, decoration, and all household interests as needed, and not underestimating these sciences. Tomorrow, if your son doesn’t find these qualities in his home, he will envy the neighbor’s son whose mother provides everything he needs to become a strong and exemplary man! I strongly advise that girls begin learning these skills from a young age, so they become proficient and inspiring by the time they reach adulthood. This way, they can pass on this legacy to their daughters. In the past, girls were prepared to shoulder the responsibility of the household because it was their primary gateway and priority within the community. Today, they are being prepared to take on the responsibilities of the outside world. Homes are left without mourners, and you won’t find a single academic specialization dedicated to the certification of homemaking. All of this reflects a narrative of dominance that keeps us as followers rather than leaders!

Take care to master the art of interpersonal skills, handling relationships with kindness, and enhancing your understanding of human psychology to better grasp yourself, your spouse, and your children. Sadly, these are often neglected areas in our time. A good starting point to achieve this is reading books by Ibn Qayyim on the self and the heart, among other works that foster awareness and improve your conduct.

Steer clear of anything that disturbs your natural disposition, such as following accounts that stir controversy, doubts, anxiety, fear, and distress. These often raise issues without scientific methodology, understanding, or insight, which are abundant in our time. Do not let these distractions divert you from your primary goal, erode your self-confidence, or diminish your contentment with your Lord. Avoid greedy and selfish advice that leads you away from clarity and purposeful action into confusion and frivolity. Choose your references and sources wisely, accepting nothing but the guidance of the Quran, Sunnah, and the righteous predecessors. Protect your precious time and invest it in what builds your determination and strength.

Seek righteous companionship that nurtures your feminine qualities, preserves your piety, and advises you sincerely for the sake of Allah without deceiving you. If you cannot find such companions, let the Quran and inspiring books be your company.

Cultivate and develop a keen sense of research within yourself so that you can solve your children’s educational and developmental problems in the future. Choose a topic you want to learn about, research it using reputable sources, and create summaries in any area you need, even medical ones. Learn about pregnancy, childbirth, infant care, and common health issues you might face. Become knowledgeable in these areas to avoid many mistakes mothers encounter during upbringing. This research will also help you understand your husband’s interests and enrich your time together by engaging in what he loves. This approach is an excellent way for a smart wife to get closer to her husband, even if she previously had no expertise or knowledge about his interests, which can become part of her beneficial research after marriage. Essentially, become a reference point for useful information for your family, a source of inspiration, happiness, and education for everyone. This is a sure path to creating a happy and harmonious home.

Prepare for marriage with the determination of a faithful and ambitious believer, aiming to be the best example of a righteous wife, far from the standards set by society and media. Let your measure be Islam, with your reference being the Sharia of Allah, and your judgment based on the Quran and Sunnah. Never hesitate to respond to the commands of Allah and His Messenger (peace be upon him). The successful ones are those who follow the path of the believers without hesitation, and they receive the blessings of good following in their lives and the promise of even better in the Hereafter. Prepare yourself for all crises and incidents, be ready for any circumstances and changes, and strive to be a righteous wife to your husband, whether he is polygamous or falling short in his duties.

Beware of thinking in terms of rivalry. Avoid tit-for-tat behavior and do not stoop to bargaining with your husband about serving him, his guests, and maintaining good relations. Do not deprive yourself of the blessings that come from kindness and excellence. Remember, you are a dignified and noble servant of Allah.

Also, be very mindful of training yourself to keep secrets and not disclose everything that happens in your life, even to your closest friends, especially regarding marital life. Avoid talking about unnecessary matters, such as describing your friend to your husband or discussing your husband with your friend. Abu Sa’id al-Khudri (may Allah be pleased with him) reported that the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said, “The worst of people in position before Allah on the Day of Resurrection is the man who has intercourse with his wife, and she with him, and then spreads her secrets.” [Reported by Muslim].

Marriage is a decree, a provision, and a test. You might wonder how you can put in all this effort with a bad-tempered or ill-natured husband who has many faults or other unpleasant traits, and yet, no caution can protect against destiny. Here is a very important principle -if the entire article were limited to this point, it would be sufficient-: you enter into a marriage with a solemn covenant from Allah, not for the sake of your husband’s pleasure alone. Let’s be very clear: you do it to succeed in the test of marriage before Allah and His Messenger (peace be upon him), so that tomorrow, no matter how bad and corrupt your husband may be, he cannot say, “She was not righteous to me, she was not good.” Instead, you establish the proof against any husband, regardless of his nature, because your allegiance is to Allah, and you act to seek His pleasure.
When you enter a marital relationship with this understanding, no matter how repulsed you feel by your husband, no matter how much your heart does not open to him, no matter how much you suffer from a lack of tranquility, affection, and mercy, you will feel great peace of mind. This is because you have fulfilled your duty, and the results are not your responsibility. If you honor a noble person, you win him over; if you honor a base person, he will rebel. In either case, Allah will reward you: for your kindness in the first instance and with double the reward in the second, for your kindness and patience with the nature of the base person.
Do not worry; every marriage is destined, and its outcomes are not in our hands but with Allah. Do not put yourself in a position where a former husband can say before Allah that you were the cause of the household’s downfall due to your negligence, poor manners, or misunderstanding of the marital relationship. Instead, do everything for Allah alone. Then you will see how things improve, insha’Allah, and how they end well if Allah wills it. You will find peace and relief because you succeeded in the test, even if it ended in divorce. The essence is your performance during the marriage, and with Allah, nothing good or bad is wasted.
Any new marital relationship will not leave you regretful, influenced by past experiences, or drained because those who act for Allah renew their energy. They do not feel anger, stinginess, or anything that disrupts their giving and striving in life. They act according to their faith, character, goodness, and true nature. This was the state of the female companions, who were sought after for marriage by the best men after being widowed or divorced. There is a vast difference between those who act with such guidance and insight and those who act selfishly, weeping over what is not rightfully theirs, fostering greed, vengeance, and hatred, which destroys determination and spoils the blessings of Allah’s support.
Therefore, I emphasize: you are dealing with Allah, doing good for His sake. If your husband deserves kindness, you will win him over, and he will reciprocate with goodness and kindness. If he is harsh and ill-natured, you have established the proof against him. If he deprives you, the recompense should be in proportion to the deed. “And glory be to Him who made the uprightness of a man reflect upon his household and his wife. Al-Hafiz Ibn Kathir mentioned in Al-Bidayah wa’l-Nihayah regarding Fudayl ibn ‘Iyad, may Allah have mercy on them: ‘Verily, I disobey Allah and I see the effects of that in the behavior of my donkey, my servant, my wife, and even the mouse in my house.’ So ponder over this!”

Preparing for marriage also means knowing the qualities of a righteous man and not accepting someone who is corrupt, sinful, neglectful of prayers, or whose conduct is harmful. This means not settling for any man who does not fear Allah and His Messenger, even if it means remaining unmarried for the rest of your life. Do not compromise on the requirement for a righteous spouse, but this does not mean setting impossible conditions. Rather, it means accepting someone whose religion and character please you, helping you in righteousness and steadfastness, and who does not trivialize prohibitions. This starts from the way you both approach marriage to the last moment. I had outlined his qualities in a previous article: On what basis do you accept a suitor?

A righteous woman has her goals in life, celestial goals. Be clear from the beginning of marriage that your goal is the pleasure of Allah and His Messenger, peace be upon him, and Paradise—the highest abode. This covenant you embark upon excludes all worldly demands, for nothing compares to the demands of the Hereafter under a solemn covenant. If this is the case, you both are in great goodness, for Allah has sufficed you from all evil! This does not mean neglecting worldly goals, but let them be for Allah, not for fleeting desires. A noble man of integrity will not disappoint you!

We live for the sake of Allah, the Exalted. It is wise for a righteous woman to engage in good deeds that she can save for her Hereafter, as well as keeping some private acts of worship. This is something to preserve for after marriage, and Allah will bless it for you. Accustom yourself to making beneficial prayers, asking for a righteous spouse and righteous offspring. As mentioned in the Qur’an, “And those who say, ‘Our Lord, grant us from among our wives and offspring comfort to our eyes[i.e., a source of happiness due to their righteousness] and make us a leader [i.e., example] for the righteous.'” (25:74)

You are in a stage of building, cultivating awareness, and preparation. Preserve your resources and means. It is wonderful to start early and prepare a library encompassing all the knowledge we have discussed. In this way, when the time for marriage comes, you will be ready for an inspiring and impressive beginning that will captivate your husband!

Prepare yourself to achieve the purpose of marriage, as Allah the Exalted said: ” And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquility in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought.” (30:21). However, also prepare yourself with the understanding that this is a blessing from Allah, and not every marriage will attain this blessing. This is why the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said, “I have issued a warning concerning (failure to fulfill) the rights of the two weak ones: Orphans and women.” The Quran warns against those who transgress Allah’s limits in marriage, and Allah commands men to either keep [their wives] in an acceptable manner or release [them] with good treatment. This is why Allah legislated divorce. This is knowledge that every Muslim woman should learn, along with all the jurisprudence related to marriage and the rulings concerning women, before entering into marriage. She should greatly rely on her Lord, ask Him for His great bounty, and never despair from any painful fate or distressing trial. This world is merely a test of sincerity, steadfastness, and a good response to Allah’s command, seeking what is with Allah the Almighty. The name of the husband who will hold her hand to Paradise is known to Allah. So, let her strive to gain acceptance and high ranks, and not be troubled by loss, deprivation, or injustice. No matter how discouraging the prospects of marriage might seem, this should never affect the performance of a righteous woman or her captivating qualities!
A righteous woman embodies her virtue before marriage, during marriage, and even after marriage. She maintains her integrity through the trials of divorce and custody, staying true to her noble character in times of separation, solitude, conflict, and injustice. As a servant of Allah, she never retreats from the ranks of the faithful. Her righteousness is unwavering, enduring until her final breath.
In conclusion, I must be honest with you: I have condensed much of what could be discussed here, focusing on the essentials and the landmarks of truth and success. My final advice, which I share with you sincerely and faithfully for the sake of Allah, is this:
Marriage is a project of truth and piety. Enter into it with complete sincerity, not half-heartedly or with any intention of deceit or mistrust. Approach marriage with a good opinion of Allah, not with suspicion and excessive calculations. If you seek Allah’s companionship, support, and success, enter it with the intention of kindness, fair treatment, and selflessness. Prepare yourself with genuine affection, understanding, and piety, with every intention of making this project succeed, no matter the cost!

Be sincere, even if your heart never fully opens to your husband, even if you do not experience love or tranquility with him. You married for the sake of Allah and under a solemn covenant witnessed by Him. Your success in this test will determine your success in future trials in life. Therefore, live with kindness, act righteously, and do not oppress. After that, do not worry about the outcomes, for you will either achieve victory or martyrdom!

The original article:
كيف أكون زوجة صالحة؟
Translated by:
Arwa Jehad

How can I be a good wife? – pdf-