About women and men, questions awaiting answers!
Peace be upon you,
I would like to know why no one talks about women’s rights as much discourse about the issues caused by women, as if men were not human beings?
Why is no one talking about the effectiveness of polygamy in a sound manner and that it actually has conditions and controls? other than fairness and financial support, and If this right is misused, corruption may arise and here lies the point; Why is no one talking about the other forms of corruption, such as the destruction of homes or neglecting feelings, under the excuse of God’s saying that men cannot maintain equity in women’s feelings, and that just the validity of polygamy does not mean turning a blind eye to the problems that may arise from marrying a second or fourth wife, even if it’s considered lawful, etc., and that only what they mention is only the problem of “justice,” as if it was the only or worst problem indeed.
Why does no one talk frequently and in detail about how to deal with your wife, and if something comes up, try to work it out with her, instead of the solution always being either marrying another or divorce? and why is the husband not asked to be as patient as a woman does, even though this is her nature?
Why does no one talk about men’s problems, mistakes, behaviors, way of thinking, lifestyles, and their interactions with people and life?
Why does no one give value to mental illness in a religious context and its significant impact on family life, and that marriage is the solution even though marriage is not really the solution? If it were, it would be a secondary thing and hardly a primary thing, (because marriage and the family are based on responsibility, capability, maturity, and other things, and it is not a rehabilitation home for adults, or a place for a testing ground for the abilities of parents over children but it’s a place to build a generation either on a good or bad foundation.
When I say “why doesn’t anyone,” I don’t mean to say that God, the Prophet, the Companions, the Followers, the Salaf, or the scholars of the Ummah say so.
The response:
Why is there always a focus on women?
May Allah bless you,
I will address each question with its own answer, commencing with “Why does no one talk about women’s rights as much as they talk about the problems women cause that must be fixed, etc., as if men are not human beings?”
Firstly, the genesis of any notion or idea begins with observation. If you follow the accounts that talk about reforming women and counter feminist arguments, you will certainly find a stream of posts that most of the time talk about women, their faults, problems, complaints about them, and ways to reform them. However, if you step back a bit to general social media accounts, you’ll find a plethora of complaints about husbands and various societal issues. Furthermore, if you delve into the feminist arena, you’ll find that the predominant discourse revolves around vilifying men. Assessing the tone and intensity of the discourse is relative and cannot be definitively judged, as it depends on the observer’s perspective.
Now, let’s delve into the discussion of women’s rights. Is it lacking? In reality, all international platforms, global and local human rights institutions, and the official and public media have no other job than talking about women’s rights. Indeed, even the cultural dissertations, media programs, and prominent figures (that are highlighted and exported occupy the screens with women’s rights, and this defense is often undertaken by figures who are often “trivial”, to repeat to us the cycle of women’s sovereignty and the expansion of her powers as a project and goal to be pursued.
I do not believe that there is any other topic that receives such extensive coverage, governmental and international funding, promotional programs and calls as the issue of women’s rights, but unfortunately, this discourse aligns with the infidel West approach rather than the noble Islamic one. Consequently, discussions on women’s rights directly paint a picture of liberation from morals, rebellion against Sharia, and challenging male authority, and in the duty to go out to work, even at the expense of the husband, children, and family rights, and here we are speaking about an international funding from major countries, and not just accounts written in a limited space on social media. Rather, presidents and their wives, institutions and a great deal of support and promotion. If you step out a bit from the personal accounts arena which you follow on social media, into the space of what is happening in the vast reality, you would be astonished by what you will see!
Every action has a reaction.
The prevailing discourse about women’s rights and women’s empowerment has generated corruptions, including antagonizing men and trying to destabilize his position in the family as laws imposed on him, every right and duty assigned to him by Sharia and war was declared against him, women was turned into a counterpart, and they have isolated her from her innate and familial role which she completes with her husband. Consequently, this has resulted in major losses, and lasting effects. Furthermore, the results were what you have seen on social media platforms, the place where people vent for themselves and talk about what preoccupies them, terrifies them, and disturbs them, so ideas come together, line up and create a presence, even if it is chaotic and disorganized.
This diagnosis to reality does not mean denying the existence of mistakes and grave mistakes in replying to feminism, the weakening men projects and fore fronting women at his expense, I have strongly drawn attention to some of these mistakes that take people out of the frame of legitimate response, the etiquette of Sharia, and the duty of apprehension, piety, probity, and justice, into endless quarrels over a corrupt Western way which that does not support nor approve of the truth. We are dealing with an open arena which is entered by all kinds of people, the educated and the wiseacre, the normal and the disturbed, the sighted and the blind.
It is an arena in which souls meet and interact. It is very difficult and even impossible for there not to be wrong and incomplete responses that exacerbate the situation, and all of this is one of the repercussions of living for a very long time away from the guidance of Sharia and coexistence with the ideas of hegemony and the authority of the dominant and defeatist culture to the West, and enumerate whatever you want of the diseases we suffer from, from which almost no Muslim country is devoid of them.
Hence, it is crucial for preachers and reformers not to be drawn into the chaos of ideas, emotions, and whims in the arena but to adhere to the Sharia’s foundation and the monotheistic creed for reform, rectifying misconceptions and to subject people to it. This will ensure that life is regulated justly and happily, as Islam is a comprehensive system devoid of injustice, and no right is devalued in it!
But the stampede is getting intense! Feminists do not stop pushing corruption in women and families, and the danger of their corruption is not hidden, which strikes the nation at its heart, the family! We still do not find faith education and Islamic one that lifts souls from a life far from the guidance of Sharia and fortifies it strongly. Consequently, young men have become grasping at a straw! And what a straw- the West and its ideas and theories- for trying to regain their position and rights! This is nothing but confusion and absurdity.
Grievances accumulate on both sides, and their repercussions make the scene even darker and more miserable!
Poor response, poor attainment, and the nature of souls and their backgrounds create all the chaos you see, but! However, this does not preclude the presence of clear indicators of truth for those who seek them, and that the Qur’an, the Sunnah, and the legacy of the righteous Salaf still resolve every dispute, and human nature imposes itself in the end, so a woman cannot become a man and a man cannot become a woman!
Therefore, I advise young people to stay away from accounts that feed and are preoccupied with quarrels between men and women, as they – and I do not exaggerate – are what best serves the enemies of Islam, by distracting them from learning and useful knowledge and pushing them into the pits of entitlement and grievance, so that hours, days, months and years are wasted in trying to win for the male or female gender. If we looked at the pages of our works “religious practices”, we would be horrified by the amount of dereliction in prayers, religious obligations, opportunities to learn, the enlightenment by the light of knowledge, and achieving the impact of morals and principles in their lives. Not to mention working for the religion of God Almighty.
If the Muslim man or woman got enough with the Qur’an, the Sunnah, Sira (Prophet Muhammad’s ﷺ biography), and probity, as God Almighty has commanded, without affectation, and were concerned with obeying God Almighty, performing rights, and adhering to the rulings of Sharia with politeness and fear, then all suspicions would fall to the ground, and only what would remain that serves innateness and supports justice in souls and their reality. Everything that creates goodness, good commitment , companionship, and cooperation in righteousness and piety, as Allah loves and is pleased with!
Do not waste your life watching the quarrels in which a lot of ignorance and self-purification, arrogance, blindness and insights are lost, and a lot of truth is lost along with it, piety is merely mentioned except rarely and hearts do not fear nor softened, rather it becomes hardened and turns into a machine whose only interest is to gain, even if it tramples on chivalry, the honor of disputes, and the rights it has approved Sharia of God Almighty, so they disbelieve in it and deny it for the sake of victory for their soul’s fortune. In addition to the releases that know no fear or justice, and the unfairness that hides and the fortunes of the soul! We seek refuge in God from the machinations of Satan and the temptations of this time.
There is no doubt that arguments distract Muslims from the areas of real change in the individual’s soul, with probity, as Allah Almighty has commanded, and with those around him, in performing rights out of fear of God, seeking His pleasure, and hoping for His mercy.
We are not truly lacking anything except uprightness as Allah Almighty commanded. If we were upright as Allah Almighty commanded and were busy responding to Allah’s commands and implementing Allah Almighty’s limits, we would not see all this dust being raised! Sharia in our lives is a comprehensive and wise treatment for all our crises and problems. We have the solution, but it is neglected!
And what about polygyny?
Now we come to your question: Why is no one talking about the effectiveness of polygamy in a sound manner and that it actually has conditions, controls and anything related to it?
Here we return to a painful truth! The nation’s affliction is greater than a mere battle between men and women, a fact that is sadly not understood by many yet. The nation’s affliction is much deeper, striking at the roots of belief and identity! It pertains to mindsets formed during the era of Western dominance and authoritarian rule, with souls shaped on neglecting creed, spiritual education, and chasing worldly pursuits. Entire generations have been raised on fragile curricula! They exalt the world at the expense of the hereafter and imitate every Westerner and disbeliever! How will they grasp the essence of Islam, its magnificence, its wisdom, and its laws!
These generations need an educational uprising and establish beliefs and morals again! To learn through it the profound meanings of monotheism, act based on them, and behave themselves according to the guidance of the Quran and Sunnah. Consequently, all the problems we are witnessing vanish. Ignorance, negligence, and heedlessness have had severe consequences on familial and marital relationships, rights, and duties and have reflected on societies as a whole. These were not the problems of our predecessors; they did not complain about polygyny, nor did men and women face the issues we see today in stories that bring shame, and that’s because both men and women knew their roles and the nature of their responsibilities. Most of their problems were just because of soul differences and in the context of human errors and sins that are inevitable, but not in the case of neglect of principles that has ravaged us. It is not by quarreling, rivalry, lack of etiquette, or a war against innateness that one would be ashamed to bring up in a description that describes the condition of Muslims!
I say if Islamic Sharia were to return to rule the lives of Muslims, safeguard their rights, lead their duties, and if generations were raised on the guidance of the Quran and Sunnah, disciplined by them out of fear and sincerity, our concerns today would not exist. Instead, our concerns would be spreading Islam, bringing people out of darkness into light, and establishing the sovereignty of Islam on earth. But according to one’s determination, he will either achieve what dignifies or humiliates him!
Therefore, I still see the solution to what you see and complain about is re-educating ourselves again, reopening the doors of noble Islamic upbringing to remedy deficiencies and correct the course by the light of the great Prophetic guidance. Otherwise, building on crooked, deficient, and fragile foundations will lead to demolition. Let us rectify the fundamentals, firmly establish the creed of monotheism, and let Muslims learn their religion with knowledge, not through inheritance that lacks fear, love, and hope. Let us rehabilitate the youth who are about to marry and offer them solutions to establish blessed families, producing promising, pious generations that shield us from the filth of defeat, ignorance, and humiliation! Thus, we will restore the family system, even if it is a fateful share of it.
Only Islam is the comprehensive and sufficient remedy for us!
How to deal with your wife?
In that lies the answer to your third question: why does no one talk extensively and in detail about how to deal with your wife.
For whoever marries a woman who loves Allah and His Messenger, peace be upon him, and submits to the law of her Lord, her role models are the mothers of the believers and the female companions, may Allah be pleased with them, then he deals with her according to the guidance of the Prophet, peace be upon him, in the family. He can await the blessings of following and fuller happiness if he and she are truthful. As for her who rejects the law of Allah the Exalted, she requires either comprehensive educational reform or replacement! And how easy is the reformation according to agreed-upon references and how difficult it is with the plurality of references.
The process of reform is comprehensive and complex, relying not only on a man fulfilling the rights of the woman or vice versa, or both enduring each other with patience, but it is a comprehensive process of restoring masculinity and femininity to their rightful positions to achieve integration. This is done by preserving the dignity of masculinity and the splendor of femininity, which can only be accomplished through sound Islamic education. It is a radical treatment, not the temporary relief of pain achieved by narcotics, which returns each time! Yet, patience only comes after the consolidation of the foundations and agreement on the reference, not before this!
Placing a righteous woman in a man’s household who does not realize the value of his masculinity, it’s like burying her alive, and marrying a righteous man to a woman who does not honor his masculinity, beat the drums of war! If it is not a great trial and a devastating test!
There is no better than a righteous marriage between two righteous individuals whose lives begin and continue in the light of Allah Almighty. If Allah grants success between them, they will be in good company, and if separation is decreed for them, it will be a pious and good separation. This is what we need today, not turning families into psychiatric hospitals or rehabilitation centers for those who suffer from ignorance of their religion and its principles, or ignorance of their soul’s nature and its existential purpose. There must be a sufficient quorum of knowledge for a promising start. Or it is necessary to correct it, otherwise it is an adventure fraught with dangers that will soon end in sorrows and psychological losses that cannot be compensated.
This leads us again to the importance of raising awareness in our time, correcting misconceptions, and rectifying what has been corrupted by education far from the guidance of luxurious Islam!
I believe whoever seeks shall find! Goodness is still present in this nation. Undoubtedly, there are projects aimed at correcting deviations and rectifying what has been corrupted by the distance from religion and piety. Recently, projects like the Family Battalion and the Generation of Caliphate have emerged as effective initiatives in the field. Both are institutions dedicated to providing what couples and those about to marry for building enlightened, healthy families guided by Islam and to raise a generation molded by the principles and values of Islam as a priority. They are institutions working to address deficiencies and integrate efforts with other active institutions in the arena. So, seek what benefits you and let go of what troubles and confuses you, lest you miss out on important opportunities for advancement!
And what about the flaws of men?
As for your question: why does no one speak extensively about the problems of men, their mistakes, their interactions, their way of thinking, their conduct, and their dealings with people and life?
I say our plight is grave in losing the meanings of manhood in our nation. Men have been subjected, since their conception, to a process of weakening and diversion from their grand purposes, by harnessing them to a life of pursuing desires, pleasures, and the responsibilities of worldly life, prioritizing them over all religious duties, obligations, and the goals of Islam and its jurisdictions over them. Thus, only a few have withstood, by the grace of God, while the majority, as you see, have drowned in fields of distraction and entertainment, wasting the trust of the self, the family, and the nation! To rectify this,
We need to establish strong families, with firm beliefs and an awareness of the magnitude of responsibility, to reforge the generations which preserve masculinity, its prestige, meanings and impact in life. We need to correct the beginnings and catch up what we can of the outcomes to mitigate our losses, or else we deal with decades of accumulated neglect and marginalization of Sharia in our lives, which is not trivial.
If you want honesty, this was not the condition of Muslim men before the Western occupation, and these were not their concerns. Rather, they were competitors in constructing the edifices of Islam with pride and determination. Even in cases of weakness, there was no disagreement regarding the duty and origin of ruling on the law of Allah Almighty. Today, principles , goals, and even means have been lost! We are in the process of a difficult reform that requires time and diligent work, and it will not fully bear fruit except with the return of the rule of Sharia in the lives of Muslims. However, to reach that stage we must work according to the principle: What is not fully comprehended does not leave most of it!
Neglecting mental illness
As for your question: Why does no one give value to psychological illness in a religious context and its profound impact on family life, and that marriage is the solution even though marriage is not actually the solution?
Who said that? Psychological illnesses are often affected by several factors, the most prominent of which are psychological fragility, an unhappy childhood, doctrinal weakness, a toxic environment, and other factors. Treating them requires jurisprudence, insight, and patience as well. I do not think it is a neglected matter, as the record of psychological consultations is crowded, and many people turn to specialists to treat them. . If marriages with severe psychological illnesses occur, they can be treated, God willing, or separated. Divorce is often a solution, but these are destinies!I believe that the rehabilitation and education courses and specialized references in this regard in the field do not neglect this and seek to create the necessary awareness, treat psychological fragility, and achieve promising psychological preparation to bear the responsibilities of marriage. Just search for it.
And if there were those who neglect this, then again, because it is difficult to manage an unruly society upon which the gates of seditions have been opened from all sides, and reform institutions have been expelled and war was declared on the Imams of the divine knowledge. It is a society that falls within the range of the targets of misleading and foolish campaigns and everything that destroys determination.We are struggling with very sweeping storms and complex and intertwined crises, and this requires a lot of patience, perseverance, trust, and strengthening through faith, morals, certainty, and seeking the help of Allah Almighty.
In conclusion, my advice to everyone who sees deficiency and contradiction in the scenes of reality is to strive to make amends and achieve change, even if he stops at the point of making himself a role model and keen on uprightness as Allah Almighty has commanded, then that is enough! Then, if Allah grants him victory, there is no harm in striving to provide what is possible to extend a helping hand to those who seek help, even if it is just a kind word, even if it is an attitude of sincerity in a position that requires trust and chivalry. We urgently need to recommend these points.Let us get out of the prison of what we are forced to indulge in at the expense of working for the sake of God Almighty, so that the Muslim man and woman do not remain in the prison of arguments and soar high with their faith in the space of change. And the beginning:
Do not let yourself down, do not let down a believer, and you are the supportive reformer!
Translated by To the worlds
Original article in Arabic
عن المرأة والرجل، أسئلة تنتظر أجوبة!
About women and men, questions awaiting answers! – pdf-
